Becca spoke with me about her autism diagnosis journey, and advice she would give to newly diagnosed autistic folk. We talked in a separate article about her work on Truly Inclusive Leadership
Becca Lory Hector is an award-winning, best-selling author, and engaging trainer and speaker with 8+ years of experience in the Autism, Neurodiversity and Disability landscape. She is an openly Autistic Professional on a mission to close the disability gap in leadership by working with companies to attract and retain disabled talent.
In addition to her writing and career pursuits, she prioritises authenticity and has a range of interests that bring her joy. She is an avid reader, finding solace and peace in the pages of well-written books. She is an animal lover with a specific affinity for cats. Becca spends most of her free time with her many animals, her husband Antonio, and their Emotional Support Animal, Sir Walter Underfoot.
Becca has kindly agreed to share her autistic journey with us.
How did you find out you are autistic?
It was very accidental and I consider myself very lucky. At 33, I was on my 15th job in 13 years and felt I had to quit. I went into what I now know as autistic burnout and spent three years homebound and suicidal. While researching physical health issues, I stumbled upon sensory processing disorder and then Asperger’s. It was this sudden realisation that answered every problem and every question I ever had. Discovering that I am autistic very much saved my life.
How did you feel about it at the time, and has that changed since?
It changed everything for me. Before my diagnosis, I felt like I was walking through life pretty blind, unable to make good decisions or live a happy, healthy life. I was just in a constant state of “survival”. Post-diagnosis, I could understand my needs, triggers, and the reasons behind my experiences. This understanding allowed me to transition from a state of surviving to thriving. The impact on my life has been humongous and is never ending. It's now the focus of my career. There have been some negative consequences, the same that we all face as a group, like struggles with employment and social relationships. But personally, my diagnosis has been overwhelmingly positive.
What is one thing you wish you could tell your pre-diagnosis self?
This is hard because you can’t know what you don’t know. There is nothing my pre-diagnosis self could have done differently—I tried everything. The best advice I could give is to be patient because the information is coming. My pre-diagnosis self did the best I could with what I had; my post-diagnosis self does better because I have more information.
Is there anything autism helps you do better? If so, what?
Absolutely. Anything I am good at is because of my autistic brain, and anything I struggle with is also because of it. But we are all like that, we get the brain we’re given, with its unique skills and challenges. For me, pattern recognition is a major strength. It helps in my work and social relationships. I can spot patterns in behaviour that help to make good decisions, and give good advice. In part this comes from a lifetime of being an observer, not understanding what I was lacking. In part it comes from people thinking they behave in different and unpredictable ways, when in fact they repeat the same patterns over and over…! I think recognising patterns like this within people probably helps me by bringing some structure to what could otherwise be very confusing.
What advice would you give to someone newly diagnosed autistic?
Whenever I talk about my journey, I think about newly diagnosed people, and what they may be thinking when reading it. I sought a diagnosis because I wanted outside confirmation - I didn’t trust myself at that time. But that doesn’t mean self-identification doesn’t have validity too. I’m thinking about anyone here who has had that realisation that they are autistic, “formally” diagnosed or not.
I still very viscerally remember my first year of diagnosis. In that first year we experience a range of emotions to a level most of us have never experienced before. Some are good, a lot of relief, everything finally making sense. Others are less good, maybe angry at time lost or how people treated you, or things you could have avoided if only you had known.
I want to say to anyone going through that: Feel all of those things. Let yourself. It’s a rollercoaster, and everything you feel is valid and ok. You won’t necessarily feel like “yourself” because you’re building a new version of yourself. You’ll go back through your life and go “was that autism?” a lot. It will feel raw and unfamiliar, even the joy. Know it will pass, that it becomes lighter, clearer, and it will feel less emotional. You are taking on a new piece of your identity, so be nice to yourself. I felt really crazy for that first year, but nobody talks about that. We are all there to catch you when you come out the other side, but take care of yourself in that first year.
Links to Becca’s work
Author of Always Bring Your Sunglasses